Updated: Jan 28
By JEYA LORENZ
Being alone can be one of the most terrifying things and one of the most majestic parts of the human existence.
The human existence can be split into two parts - our soul's journey and our human journey we experience here in this vessel of our body. As human beings we are programmed to be social. We seek companionship, love, touch and excitement through our interactions with other human beings. We are in this way - all seeking connection and at a surface level, this what life is all about.
However the soul travels alone - and only when we are truly alone can we really feel and experience what some call God, universal energy or source energy, the interconnectedness of everything and truly witnessing the illusion of separation. We can sit in the presence of other people who can facilitate these journeys inwards - but in essence you're still going to voyage solo.
When I first started meditating I began to fully comprehend the exquisite nature of being alone. Going inward with no one but yourself. Being fully immersed in the fullness of the light of your own being is something you can really only do alone. And yet, I started to understand that by going inward it was the the least alone I have ever felt. Then I started connecting to my own soul, my own essence of being. Once I was able to make this connection I was suddenly tapped into non-duality (the term some people use to explain the non-separation between the Self and Other). Feelings of alienation and loneliness began to lift through this magical pathway inwards. This monumental discovery started to soften the harshness of the feelings I was experiencing outside of myself and make peace with being on my own in my very human and earthly consciousness.
I flipped between getting caught up in desires and yearning for connection outside of myself (usually romantic ones) to find connection to something and validation and essentially acceptance - and then going inwards finding momentary peace with being alone and having no need to be loved, valued or accepted by someone else. As my practice and awareness deepened, so did my ability to straddle these two worlds and find balance in both.
I still get in a flap and can momentarily go down some dark and anxious holes about why the seemingly sweet guy I went on a date with didn't text me back, or why the friend I make so much effort with doesn't reciprocate and so forth, but I'm much more able to separate out that pretty much nothing anyone does has anything to do with me and also quickly remember - I'm actually very happy being alone - and I can always go inwards to find the light again if I get lost in the outside world.
Finding the light inside - makes finding the light outside pretty easy.
Codependency can come from so many places - for some it might be a desire to fix others and feel needed, for some it might be a need to never be left alone - so that one is constantly distracted and consumed with something or someone else to avoid our own pains or complexities. It can manifest within parent/child relationships or romantic ones or friendships. Wherever it might stem from and with whomever it might be shared with, one way out is by going inwards; finding the unrelenting softness and comfort of being alone with the soul - and then using all the nourishment you find here to break away and find peace in being alone and not seeking validation from others, undistracted and ok with just being loved by yourself.